Understanding and Regulating the Nervous System

Article #1 - Understanding and Regulating the Nervous System

April 17, 2024

Welcome!

First things first: thank you for joining me for this experience and supporting this website!  It has been a dream for a long time to share the content that has been so influential in my life and the lives of my clients, and finally having a space to make that possible is really exciting. 

This first article mirrors how many of my first sessions go with clients, where we start with some psychoeducation and coping skills.  This allows the client to have some skills built up in the future for when we begin discussing more challenging content; they will already have the knowledge and practice about what is happening in those moments physiologically and be able to manage that with confidence.

First, I start with this 9 minute YouTube video that explains what happens in our bodies when our nervous system determines that there is a threat, how it responds, and what trauma really is (hint: it’s not the event - it’s what happens inside of you as a result of the event).  Watch this video before reading further. 👇🏼

Trauma and the Nervous System: A Polyvagal Perspective

Why start therapy by talking about the nervous system?

I think that some clients might be thrown off when I start our first session by talking about the nervous system, but the reason this is so important is because it controls everything about us.  When we are dysregulated and our nervous system has moved into fight, flight, or freeze, it has turned off access to the more evolved parts of the brain, including the prefrontal cortex.  This is important to understand in the context of therapy, because who we are really lives in the prefrontal cortex: our values, beliefs, personality, and mature responses in conflict.  When that is effectively shut down, we don’t stand much of a chance to show up as our best self in a situation. If we can be aware of our dysregulation and use coping skills to regulate our bodies and bring the prefrontal cortex back online, we have a much higher chance of handling those situations in a way that is aligned with our values and long term goals.

Why does the nervous system turn off certain parts of the brain when it’s dysregulated?

When we consider this question from an evolutionary perspective, we can recognize that the prefrontal cortex is not necessary for our survival.  Meaning, if we are being chased by a lion, the body is not going to divert precious life-saving energy toward something that will allow us to have a philosophical debate (the prefrontal cortex).  The focus narrows to staying alive, which means that all energy in the body gets diverted to the parts that will help us with that.  It’s only when we are physically safe that we have the luxury of engaging in that type of higher level thinking and metacognition - in fact, that’s the only time the nervous system will allow it.

Why does my nervous system shut down when I am physically safe?

This is highly common in society; rarely are we being chased by lions, but many people are chronically dysregulated.  The answer to this question really boils down to one word: trauma.

As the video stated, if we were raised in physically or emotionally unsafe environments, our nervous system did not get wired properly.  It’s like an alarm system that is constantly signaling there is danger, even when this is not the case.  This is because that nervous system had to develop a hypervigilance in order to navigate the childhood environment.

An example: When Shy was a kid and her mom was angry, she would emotionally abuse Shy.  Shy learned to “read the room” and see her mother’s anger 5 steps ahead of the emotional abuse by watching her social cues, such as loud sighs, eye rolls, vocal tones, and glances.  Shy’s nervous system learned to associate these cues with the emotional abuse.  Why?  Because if we learn to pull out the umbrella when we see storm clouds, it’s better than getting caught in the rain without anything to keep us dry.

However, this means that in adulthood, Shy’s nervous system sends signals of danger when she is exposed to those same cues (loud sighs, eye rolls, vocal tones, and glances) from others, even if they are coming from safe people.  This is a problem for Shy, because when her boss practices a breathing exercise and sighs, Shy’s nervous system begins its shutdown response that it used in childhood to self protect from her mother.  Unfortunately, this response is now maladaptive and only creates challenges in Shy’s relationship with her boss.

This is essentially what a “trigger” is: something that previously precipitated a traumatic event that our nervous system coded as a warning signal that is now nonthreatening in our current life, and our nervous system can’t differentiate between the unsafe past and the now safe present.

How do I regulate my nervous system?

Have you ever felt that surge of anxious or angry energy pulse through your body as it responded to something you cognitively knew was not a threat?  And no matter how many times you told yourself “You’re safe,” that anxious energy didn’t go away?  That’s because we can’t tell our nervous system it’s safe.  We have to show it.

How do I show my nervous system I’m safe?

One of my favorite ways to do this is by practicing the 54321 Exercise.  You can do this anywhere, anytime.  Simply observe:

5 things you can see

4 things you can feel

3 things you can hear

2 things you can smell

1 thing you can taste

This might require rubbing your sweater between your fingers, popping a mint in your mouth, or sniffing your favorite essential oil.  By using the senses to communicate to the nervous system that it is safe, this starts to help it become more regulated.  By tuning into cues of safety, we can slowly move back into regulation.  This is only an activity to do when your physical surroundings are safe.

What if my physical surroundings are the reason I’m stressed?

If your surroundings are the source of your stress, create a safe place in your head.  There are a few parameters on this:

• No other people allowed; it’s just you there.

• It can be a real or imagined place.  It doesn’t have to be realistic.

• It can only have cues of safety (no grizzly bears unless they want to snuggle with you).

• It must include multiple aspects for each of the five senses.

One of my clients’ safe place includes a small cabin in the middle of the woods.  It’s raining, and you can hear the rain beat on the tin roof.  The smell of coffee wafts in from the kitchen.  The fireplace is putting off comforting heat.  Her dog is asleep and snoring, snuggled up next to her.  She’s eating a cinnamon roll.  And there is jazz music playing.

Another way I regulate when I am feeling stressed in my environment is by looking at a folder I have in my photos app that I created specifically to help with regulation.  This includes photos and videos of happy, carefree, fun times I’ve shared with people, places and pets I love.  By taking a moment and tuning back into those moments of safety, it helps the nervous system calm down.

Connecting with others is another great way to bring yourself back into regulation.  Call or text a friend to check in with them.  Ask them to tell you the latest story about that cute thing their pet did or something funny their toddler said.  Having moments of lighthearted connection is one of the best ways to regulate your nervous system.

These coping skills are just two of many that are informed by science and help us regulate our bodies and allow us to become more grounded. You can find my comprehensive list of emotion regulation and coping skills here.

Where can I learn more about this?

All of this information is informed by the Polyvagal Theory, which was founded by Dr. Steve Porges and made more accessible by Deb Dana.  Deb has written a book, Anchored, that I highly recommend.

If you enjoy podcasts, Deb was a guest on the Ten Percent Happier podcast and gives a great overview to the Polyvagal Theory and shares valuable coping skills she uses regularly as a therapist.  You can find that podcast here.

Dr. Bruce Perry also published a great book with Oprah -  titled What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing - explaining how our nervous system drives our behavior and explains how childhood dysfunction wires our nervous system.  The book is in a fun conversational format between he and Oprah and includes multiple diagrams for people who are visual learners.  This was required reading for one of my classes in my graduate program and a favorite book of my clients.